*sigh* Another working day. As I see from the window at the office, the weather suggests a rather sorrowful mood… as dark clouds started to blanket the cityscape, painting a lonely scene. It does seem like the sky is copying my situation as well. Hopefully this won’t affect my productivity for the day.
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It turned out I was wrong after all. What’s happening right now is NOT a nightmare… this is reality. If things were good before, well, everything was just a dream. I just realized that I awoke abruptly and being greeted with a huge bite by the jaws of reality. It was painful as reality suddenly dawns on me. I kept thinking to myself that it was only a nightmare… I wanted to pinch myself to force me to wake up - but then I had to endure the excruciating pain to make me realize that I was already awake - wide awake.
Now… how I wished I was still asleep… and how I wished I’d never wake up…
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Her text message woke me up this morning. She sent me a quote. I was surprised. “Could this be a sign?” I asked to myself. I replied, asking her if she’s available on the day after my birthday, I wanted the two of us to go out, for at least I could get something nice for my birthday… but I was expecting too much. She replied several minutes later, telling me she’s not available, but she wants it to be rescheduled at a later date, and she wants me to invite our other highschool classmates as well. I was somewhat upset… I don’t know why… is it because am I too selfish, or am I in a hurry?
I had fancied her secretly during my high school days… And I was so happy that until now, we still have a medium of communication after all these years that passed, and it was actually her who’s keeping it alive.
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I know things constantly change… but I hate the way they come to soon and the damage they do!
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I have talked to some friends about my problem with my best friend. I was surprised to find out how cooperative they were and how their advices were coherent with one another. They want us to have an open forum sometime this week… well, as they have told me… I guess I just won’t expect too much. Just as I have finally realized, yes, things have changed and there will be no way I can revert them. I will faithfully follow what my friend Jho had been telling me, “keep my eyes open… for changes”. Maybe just a little “fix” on my relationship with my best friend would be enough. But I won’t expect anything more than that. I had enough problems for my birthday.
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Why stack all those thoughts on top my of my head in the first weekday? Now what… my head is aching… my feelings are tormented. It felt like I’m going to explode… how would I cope up with my training like this? All those thoughts made me felt like eating my burger and fries like chewing carpet. I don’t even know how I managed to eat. I feel weak.
