Fiasco

17 07 2008

Well, their overnight stay was a fiasco, according to our friends… they tried to talk to him about the issues, but he just acted like some immature freak and walked out, causing a commotion in their house; and putting the blame on me. >__<

Instead of putting the issue to rest, well it just got worse.

Anything more to expect?

I don’t know what to do now, but everyone’s advising me to lay off for the meantime and think about myself… they said I’ve been thinking too much about the issue already and has caused me enough troubles. Now what I can only do is… well, hope and pray.

————————

8 days~ *sigh* still no signs of hope seen in the horizon.





Hanging by a Thread~

16 07 2008

I like the way the sky’s condition during these past few days… I don’t know if my current conditions and the weather’s situation are of a mere coincidence, but I like the way it does for now. At least I can say that I’m not alone (despite I really am), for the dark sky continues to blanket the scene from my desk window; telling me that it feels the same way as I do. Whatever reason for that, let’s just simply leave it as a mystery.

——————-

As for the supposed talk with my friends about the issue I had with my best friend, well it was ruled out. Yes, it was. The plan was that my friends will be staying over in my best friend’s place yesterday, and they wanted me to come along to talk off the issues. But last Monday night, my best friend sent a text message to one of our friends, and they felt like I should know about it, so they forwarded it to me. His message stated that he doesn’t want me to sleep-over at that place. I was surprised. I was more surprised when he himself sent me a message a few minutes later, stating that he wanted me to bring this and that, and if I did that, he would bring our status back to being “best friends”. I forwarded his message to my other friends. They were more than suprised, and ended up telling me not to show up anymore! So our friendship was only that worth? It means if I really did show up last night, he can dispatch me anytime after he got what he wanted!

I’m so disappointed in him! I’ve never felt so bad in my entire life!

Now that their overnight stay has passed, and up to this moment I am still waiting for updates on what happened, was he upset or something, NO. Not a clue. The question is - how did my best friend interpreted the things that happened last night? What have they talked about? What happened afterwards? It seems like they were still asleep in his place right now, but I’m still waiting.

*sigh*

I feel like I’m suspended a thousand feet in the air~

——————-

9 days to my birthday - and I still don’t feel like it.

——————-

Several hours later… I completely got distressed…

work + news blackout = headache

*faints*





Cloudy Monday, Cloudy Thoughts

14 07 2008

*sigh* Another working day. As I see from the window at the office, the weather suggests a rather sorrowful mood… as dark clouds started to blanket the cityscape, painting a lonely scene. It does seem like the sky is copying my situation as well. Hopefully this won’t affect my productivity for the day.

——————–

It turned out I was wrong after all. What’s happening right now is NOT a nightmare… this is reality. If things were good before, well, everything was just a dream. I just realized that I awoke abruptly and being greeted with a huge bite by the jaws of reality. It was painful as reality suddenly dawns on me. I kept thinking to myself that it was only a nightmare… I wanted to pinch myself to force me to wake up - but then I had to endure the excruciating pain to make me realize that I was already awake - wide awake.

Now… how I wished I was still asleep… and how I wished I’d never wake up…

——————–

Her text message woke me up this morning. She sent me a quote. I was surprised. “Could this be a sign?” I asked to myself. I replied, asking her if she’s available on the day after my birthday, I wanted the two of us to go out, for at least I could get something nice for my birthday… but I was expecting too much. She replied several minutes later, telling me she’s not available, but she wants it to be rescheduled at a later date, and she wants me to invite our other highschool classmates as well. I was somewhat upset… I don’t know why… is it because am I too selfish, or am I in a hurry?

I had fancied her secretly during my high school days… And I was so happy that until now, we still have a medium of communication after all these years that passed, and it was actually her who’s keeping it alive.

——————–

I know things constantly change… but I hate the way they come to soon and the damage they do!

——————–

I have talked to some friends about my problem with my best friend. I was surprised to find out how cooperative they were and how their advices were coherent with one another. They want us to have an open forum sometime this week… well, as they have told me… I guess I just won’t expect too much. Just as I have finally realized, yes, things have changed and there will be no way I can revert them. I will faithfully follow what my friend Jho had been telling me, “keep my eyes open… for changes”. Maybe just a little “fix” on my relationship with my best friend would be enough. But I won’t expect anything more than that. I had enough problems for my birthday.

——————–

Why stack all those thoughts on top my of my head in the first weekday? Now what… my head is aching… my feelings are tormented. It felt like I’m going to explode… how would I cope up with my training like this? All those thoughts made me felt like eating my burger and fries like chewing carpet. I don’t even know how I managed to eat. I feel weak.





BEMANIAX3 Experience

14 07 2008

For those who don’t know, my friends and I over at BEMANIAX (our group) are making sets of simfiles. Our third version features an inspired mix of the feeling from the games Audition Online and DDR SuperNOVA2.

Here’s a promotional video which I have released to the public along with “Only If I”, a song used as a simfile and as a promotional material for the mix, which will be released later this year.

Music: Only If I / Kate Ryan (From DanceMania EX7)
Copyright© 2004 i-Dance, Ltd.
Graphics: Audition Online
Copyright© 2004-2008 T3 Entertainment
Game Engine: Stepmania 3.9 RC2
Theme: Takuya20’s SuperNOVA





Overtime~

12 07 2008

Well, you read it right. I’m not workaholic myself but here I am… on a Saturday morning, back here in my desk… working overtime. It’s pretty much unexpected, but since I don’t have any leave priviledges yet, I might as well report for work or get a deduction. Maybe this would help me divert my thoughts away from the problems I have right now, even though they still bug me all this time… which makes me feel more weary than ever… *sigh*